A photoshoot in Canada before I moved to Los angeles. I wore my pajamas. I had been stylized so much as a teenager…this was my going to the other end of the continuum to prove (to myself?) that I was nobody’s commodity. I did wash my hair however, clean hair was important. But even that went the way of all things as I continued touring into my 20’s :)
I was the new girl on the show. It was like walking into a camp that had been in process for years. I was fought for by Alistair and adam…I received hate mail for having been the object of both their desires. It was hard, because they were mad at my character, not at me. yet the mail was directed at me. I remember once I told a castmate that I didn’t think they should wear a certain blouse on the show. I quickly learned that there are some things you say to your sisters, to your friends..while rummaging through each others’ closets…and you don’t say those things to your colleagues on a tv show. I still feel guilty about it. and they wouldn’t let me live down my snobby lil comment. There were some kind people involved in this show. But mostly I felt like an outsider and I wasn’t equipped to deal with these mature dynamics as a kid.